The Biggest Challenge for ‘Secret’ Cross-Dressers

secret cross dressers Swanky Pins have a large percentage of buyers who are male wearers, many of which keep their CD activities a secret from their wives/girlfriends/family and who want to buy lingerie discreetly.

I personally take a lot of calls from guys who buy lingerie for themselves, far more male customers contact by telephone than women as they seem to like to talk about their cross-dressing as well as ask advice about sizing ect. Most callers are married, with children/grand-children and have been keeping their secret for years – it seems the majority would clearly like to be a bit more ‘open’ but have no-one they can really talk to so it can often be a lonely experience.

Apparently, the biggest problems cross-dressers face are: how to choose the right size for the male figure, how to pay without leaving ‘evidence’, and where to have it discreetly delivered.

Shining a Light on Ordering & Delivery

There are very few high street shops where men can buy lingerie for themselves without feeling, or being made to feel, more than a little awkward. However, ordering online can also present difficulties as many CD’s don’t want to take the chance of wives seeing the purchases on their bank or credit card statements, or having lingerie delivered to the house or office.

We have had many ‘cash on collection’ male wearing customers over the past few years, some driving over a 4 hour round trip to collect their lingerie and pay in cash, so the purpose of this post is to try and get some feedback in order to devise a solution that our cross-dresser customers who are not local enough to do this would be happy with.

Customers have asked to send cash through the post which is okay with us but far from ideal for the buyer as if it gets lost we cannot take responsibility for the loss.

We have just signed a deal with a click and collect service which will be available soon which would solve the issue of discreet deliveries (provided there is an outlet locally), but we are still left with issues regarding payment for those who don’t want to leave a paper trail.

If anyone has any ideas about this, please do let us know.

Why do men Cross-Dress?

lingerie for cross dressersBecause of the prejudice that exists around crossdressing, most people don’t have any first hand experience so assume that men cross dress for sexual pleasure, but in many cases it is just that cross-dressers feel comfortable rather than sexually aroused when they wear the clothing of the other sex.

There are of course those that dress up in women’s lingerie for sexual purposes although most are heterosexual, not gay or perverted. The inclination to crossdress is not something most men have control over, it is a just a component of their full identity that has probably been with them from a very young age.

Keeping secrets like this from their partners can be difficult and in itself stressful as most of us want to be accepted for who we are, not judged by what we choose to wear.

Take the example used on British soap Eastenders where undertaker Les Coker hid his cross-dressing alter-ego ‘Christine’ from wife Pam for many years and when it did come out she was horrified. Les attempted to explain it by saying ‘You know how stressed I get,’ I’m surrounded by grief all day. It gets to me. Sometimes I need not to be a man.’

Men like this don’t try to ‘pass’ as women, and just dress up to enjoy feeling feminine, removing the pressures of having to be the strong, competitive, assertive male and is far more common than most of us think.

The feelings of needing to cross-dress at certain times can be strong and compelling and many men do it without really knowing why.

We find the most popular lingerie styles for men are suspender belts (deep styles as these stay put on the waist better than the flimsy 4 strap ‘fashion’ belts), pantyhose/tights and stockings with corselettes/slips a close second, but purchases have also included girdles, waspies, bodystockings and even fishnet dresses. Style seems to have a lot to do with whether the wearer is a fetish and non-fetish crossdresser.

If any of you men would like to have their photos added to this article, please email us your images and we will be happy to include them.

Banish Cross-Dressing prejudice – understanding is a far healthier emotion than disgust, horror or shame.


Comments (20)

    Thank you sooooo much for posting this article! I am a crossdresser myself from “across the pond”, over here in the United States. It wasn’t until late October of last year that I finally admitted to & accepted the fact that yes, I am indeed a CD. It’s something that has been a part of me since I was very young, and I carried that secretive burden for almost 35 years, out of fear that I would be rejected by friends and family alike for my womanly ways.

    My wife now officially knows of my secret, which first started as an argument over why I spent $70-something on eBay for what I thought was a gorgeous turtleneck sweater dress (it’s mini-dress length, with a humongous 22″ collar….the longer the collar, the better!). She was initially hurt that I didn’t just come to her about it, but this is something that’s a major part of me & not everyone welcomes it with open arms. Since then though, she has given me various clothes — mostly bras and panties — and my stepdaughter has contributed also. My sister-in-law added to it by giving me my very first pair of heeled booties, a purse, and some other goodies and right now there’s a fight over as to who is going to give me my first makeup makeover!

    So yeah, I’m definitely loving life as a CD, but most importantly I’m finally happy & comfortable in my skin for the first time ever. Like, wearing women’s clothing feels so right to me, and I have no intentions of actually ‘passing’ as a female…although I am curious how I’d look completely made over and such.

    Thanks again for this blog! And I love the website, by the way!!


      Hi Sean, Thank you for your comments and for sending us your photographs, 2 of which I have included here. I am glad to hear you are now able to live as you want to and it would be great if other guys with a similar story could happily follow your example. We hear of many men going through to old age without ever being able to tell anyone about their cross-dressing, which I think is really sad, must be quite a burden. Debbie

      Cross dressers wearing pantyhose / TightsMen in tights


        It really is a burden in not telling anyone, Debbie. I grew up in a time when men were men and women were women, and to hear of a guy dressing or wanting to dress in women’s clothing was automatically considered wrong or of homosexual behavior….even though sex and gender are two totally different things. I’m very much a heterosexual person but have just always wanted to crossdress, because the look and feel of female clothing always appealed to me — it just feels right, if that makes any sense. Even just wearing something simple like panties or tights underneath my work clothes, I much prefer to wear that instead of boxers.

        Once I told my wife about my crossdressing tastes, it was as if the most enormous weight had been lifted. I could fully breathe again & not feel ashamed and afraid anymore of who I really am. And thanks for showing those two pictures, by the way…I never realized just how great my legs look!

        (…and yes, I still have those thigh-high striped socks…)


    An excellent article. Men cross dress for as many reasons as women do and the appeal of lingerie is something stronger than that of the dull undies bestowed on men.
    I know I prefer something soft around my bits and many guys do. You can’t make a y front of boxer sexy.
    Stockings and pantyhose have a similar appeal but also a supporting roll.
    Compression pantyhose are light enough to give everyday support and give tired legs relief. I have mine on now from my walk and wear them on long distance flights and wore them often when I work. The hosiery industry and fashion industry forget men have legs as well and it’s only fair. They are always hidden under ugly trousers.
    Another service you could offer is bra fittings. Why you ask?
    Gynecomastia or man boobs. Guys have them and are then embarrassed to seek out help to find proper supporting garments. But for that matter, many women also fail this.


      Hi Steve,
      I totally agree with your comments, women’s lingerie looks and feels much nicer than mens and I’m sure silky satin and lace is much more comfortable and sensual to wear against the skin – mens boxers don’t even come close. I read a very relevant comment recently that said ‘I say its comfort dressing not cross dressing’.

      If we were a ‘bricks & mortar’ shop (maybe in the future:), we would definitely offer bra fitting for both men and women, although I don’t know how many British men would walk in and request one. Perhaps Aussie men are bit more relaxed about things like that. Many women I know have never had a proper bra fitting yet we all know it is important to get one for a perfect fit. Unfortunately as on online only shop, it’s not possible to offer the service right now.

      Our motto: If you like it – wear it!


    Really enjoyed reading your blog.
    I wear panties and camisoles daily, and sometimes matching bralette.
    Panties provide superior comfort, male underwear does not .

    Good to see other people embrace the same thinking.


    I am the girlfriend of a cross dresser. I initially met him openly knowing he wore lingerie. We have been together for just over a year. I have fostered his femininity and love this lifestyle he and I have. It is based on such honesty that at my age of 48 has been the best relationship I have ever encountered. He now has someone to share it with and not hide who he is. He trusts me because I am the keeper of a secret that has been hidden from the world since he was a young boy. It has been so fulfilling to give him this gift of acceptance. I’ve never met a more beautiful soul in or out of sexy lingerie 🙂


    Hi im a male and i love wearing bodystockings , tights , i look good in them


    Thank you so much! Ive searched for so long to find any kind of site that would allow me to share not only my pics but also the fact that i crossdress. I was with my girlfriend ( of 11 years) 3 years before i even started crossdressing. It took 6 years for me to find a way to tell her. Awkward at first. Accused of being gay. But now we buy underwear together. She knows i wear lingerie, like bustiers, stockings, garters, bodystockings, but i she acts like thats a little too fiminine so i still wear them in privat.
    RP cross-dressingreaders photos of cross dressing


    how do you cross dress with your wife


    I love wearing lingerie as it feels nice and makes me feel comfortable in myself and sexy.
    Tho I still have hangups as I hide it from everyone , I only wish it could be more open and accepted. But I grew up in a world where it wasn’t.
    I’d send a pic but don’t know how.


      Hi JB,

      I you would like to send us a photo, email it to and we’ll put it up. Debbie


    In my youth used to be a lead singer in a band, used to do the university circuit and warm-up support sessions for the more popular groups and solo artists. Then having discovered business opportunities I left music behind. More recently I’ve got back into singing which has led me into burlesque which is a blast, I get to wear sexy outfits, great lingerie and work with wonderful co-performers.

    I have placed a number of orders from this site even when I’ve thought no I should not by anything more, but my girly desires won out and I kept going back to the website for more. I’ve worn each purchase out and been complimented by both ladies and guys alike.

    These photos were taken at 3:40AM after a huge party when I was not at my best. I’m wearing my Swanky Pins 6 strap boned waspie with sheer mesh vintage style robe which I am very happy with. Corrine Driscoll (my performer name).


    We want to thank the lovely Corrine Driscoll for her support, purchases and the lovely reviews she has left on each product she has bought from us. Debbie


    Have been a cd for years but have never found a friend that I could talk about my kink. It makes things lonely.
    Wearing feminine lingerie or indeed going whole hog in dress and stockings feels soooo good.
    Its not mainly sexual, more the lingerie fits so comfortably, and feels so good against my skin ( I am blessed with having a virtually hairless smooth body. Nair takes care of the pubic area.)
    Of course there is also the “naughty ” secret aspect of being a cd. Love it.


      Hi Bill Same situation here. The whole “dressing” experience is a great rush so when I get the opportunity to slip into heels and a baby doll with nice stockings it’s an amazing way to relax.


    Loved reading your blog. I’ve been crossdressing for years loving my high heels,stockings and suspenders, your site is wonderful I adore everything I see,hope you ship to Australia!

    Like most CDs I’d need some sizing advice on those fabulous girdles and bras thank you for a fabulous blog.


      Hi Nina/John, Great to hear you like our website & products and yes we do ship to Australia. Debbie


        Thanks! Love your Instagram page too.


    Society for many many years has labeled certain articles of clothing for males and for females. To me personally various articles of chothing should never be labled for women for males. If a male or a women sees the benefits that of a girdle bra hose skirt it really doesn’t matter and clothing should never be labeled, there are real benefits of being girdled or in bra hose skirt etc, and it really doesn’t matter your sex.

    Back during the 40s, 50s, 60s and into the 70s and 80s women were always dressed in skirts, times have changed and women started to wear what was labeled as for men only pants. Nowadays when you go out you see women in pants. That again is a societal thing labeling clothing which society really shouldn’t do. If you are a woman and you happen to like pants wear pants, if you say you are a man and you happen to like skirts wear skirts – it really shouldn’t matter and articles of clothing should never be labeled.


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