The Biggest Challenge for ‘Secret’ Cross-Dressers

secret cross dressers Swanky Pins have a large percentage of buyers who are male wearers, many of which keep their CD activities a secret from their wives/girlfriends/family and who want to buy lingerie discreetly.

I personally take a lot of calls from guys who buy lingerie for themselves, far more male customers contact by telephone than women as they seem to like to talk about their cross-dressing as well as ask advice about sizing ect. Most callers are married, with children/grand-children and have been keeping their secret for years – it seems the majority would clearly like to be a bit more ‘open’ but have no-one they can really talk to so it can often be a lonely experience.

Apparently, the biggest problems cross-dressers face are: how to choose the right size for the male figure, how to pay without leaving ‘evidence’, and where to have it discreetly delivered.

Shining a Light on Ordering & Delivery

There are very few high street shops where men can buy lingerie for themselves without feeling, or being made to feel, more than a little awkward. However, ordering online can also present difficulties as many CD’s don’t want to take the chance of wives seeing the purchases on their bank or credit card statements, or having lingerie delivered to the house or office.

We have had many ‘cash on collection’ male wearing customers over the past few years, some driving over a 4 hour round trip to collect their lingerie and pay in cash, so the purpose of this post is to try and get some feedback in order to devise a solution that our cross-dresser customers who are not local enough to do this would be happy with.

Customers have asked to send cash through the post which is okay with us but far from ideal for the buyer as if it gets lost we cannot take responsibility for the loss.

We have just signed a deal with a click and collect service which will be available soon which would solve the issue of discreet deliveries (provided there is an outlet locally), but we are still left with issues regarding payment for those who don’t want to leave a paper trail.

If anyone has any ideas about this, please do let us know.

Why do men Cross-Dress?

lingerie for cross dressersBecause of the prejudice that exists around crossdressing, most people don’t have any first hand experience so assume that men cross dress for sexual pleasure, but in many cases it is just that cross-dressers feel comfortable rather than sexually aroused when they wear the clothing of the other sex.

There are of course those that dress up in women’s lingerie for sexual purposes although most are heterosexual, not gay or perverted. The inclination to crossdress is not something most men have control over, it is a just a component of their full identity that has probably been with them from a very young age.

Keeping secrets like this from their partners can be difficult and in itself stressful as most of us want to be accepted for who we are, not judged by what we choose to wear.

Take the example used on British soap Eastenders where undertaker Les Coker hid his cross-dressing alter-ego ‘Christine’ from wife Pam for many years and when it did come out she was horrified. Les attempted to explain it by saying ‘You know how stressed I get,’ I’m surrounded by grief all day. It gets to me. Sometimes I need not to be a man.’

Men like this don’t try to ‘pass’ as women, and just dress up to enjoy feeling feminine, removing the pressures of having to be the strong, competitive, assertive male and is far more common than most of us think.

The feelings of needing to cross-dress at certain times can be strong and compelling and many men do it without really knowing why.

We find the most popular lingerie styles for men are suspender belts (deep styles as these stay put on the waist better than the flimsy 4 strap ‘fashion’ belts), pantyhose/tights and stockings with corselettes/slips a close second, but purchases have also included girdles, waspies, bodystockings and even fishnet dresses. Style seems to have a lot to do with whether the wearer is a fetish and non-fetish crossdresser.

If any of you men would like to have their photos added to this article, please email us your images and we will be happy to include them.

Banish Cross-Dressing prejudice – understanding is a far healthier emotion than disgust, horror or shame.

Email

Comments (7)

    Thank you sooooo much for posting this article! I am a crossdresser myself from “across the pond”, over here in the United States. It wasn’t until late October of last year that I finally admitted to & accepted the fact that yes, I am indeed a CD. It’s something that has been a part of me since I was very young, and I carried that secretive burden for almost 35 years, out of fear that I would be rejected by friends and family alike for my womanly ways.

    My wife now officially knows of my secret, which first started as an argument over why I spent $70-something on eBay for what I thought was a gorgeous turtleneck sweater dress (it’s mini-dress length, with a humongous 22″ collar….the longer the collar, the better!). She was initially hurt that I didn’t just come to her about it, but this is something that’s a major part of me & not everyone welcomes it with open arms. Since then though, she has given me various clothes — mostly bras and panties — and my stepdaughter has contributed also. My sister-in-law added to it by giving me my very first pair of heeled booties, a purse, and some other goodies and right now there’s a fight over as to who is going to give me my first makeup makeover!

    So yeah, I’m definitely loving life as a CD, but most importantly I’m finally happy & comfortable in my skin for the first time ever. Like, wearing women’s clothing feels so right to me, and I have no intentions of actually ‘passing’ as a female…although I am curious how I’d look completely made over and such.

    Thanks again for this blog! And I love the website, by the way!!

    Reply

      Hi Sean, Thank you for your comments and for sending us your photographs, 2 of which I have included here. I am glad to hear you are now able to live as you want to and it would be great if other guys with a similar story could happily follow your example. We hear of many men going through to old age without ever being able to tell anyone about their cross-dressing, which I think is really sad, must be quite a burden. Debbie

      Cross dressers wearing pantyhose / TightsMen in tights

      Reply

        It really is a burden in not telling anyone, Debbie. I grew up in a time when men were men and women were women, and to hear of a guy dressing or wanting to dress in women’s clothing was automatically considered wrong or of homosexual behavior….even though sex and gender are two totally different things. I’m very much a heterosexual person but have just always wanted to crossdress, because the look and feel of female clothing always appealed to me — it just feels right, if that makes any sense. Even just wearing something simple like panties or tights underneath my work clothes, I much prefer to wear that instead of boxers.

        Once I told my wife about my crossdressing tastes, it was as if the most enormous weight had been lifted. I could fully breathe again & not feel ashamed and afraid anymore of who I really am. And thanks for showing those two pictures, by the way…I never realized just how great my legs look!

        (…and yes, I still have those thigh-high striped socks…)

        Reply

    An excellent article. Men cross dress for as many reasons as women do and the appeal of lingerie is something stronger than that of the dull undies bestowed on men.
    I know I prefer something soft around my bits and many guys do. You can’t make a y front of boxer sexy.
    Stockings and pantyhose have a similar appeal but also a supporting roll.
    Compression pantyhose are light enough to give everyday support and give tired legs relief. I have mine on now from my walk and wear them on long distance flights and wore them often when I work. The hosiery industry and fashion industry forget men have legs as well and it’s only fair. They are always hidden under ugly trousers.
    Another service you could offer is bra fittings. Why you ask?
    Gynecomastia or man boobs. Guys have them and are then embarrassed to seek out help to find proper supporting garments. But for that matter, many women also fail this.

    Reply

      Hi Steve,
      I totally agree with your comments, women’s lingerie looks and feels much nicer than mens and I’m sure silky satin and lace is much more comfortable and sensual to wear against the skin – mens boxers don’t even come close. I read a very relevant comment recently that said ‘I say its comfort dressing not cross dressing’.

      If we were a ‘bricks & mortar’ shop (maybe in the future:), we would definitely offer bra fitting for both men and women, although I don’t know how many British men would walk in and request one. Perhaps Aussie men are bit more relaxed about things like that. Many women I know have never had a proper bra fitting yet we all know it is important to get one for a perfect fit. Unfortunately as on online only shop, it’s not possible to offer the service right now.

      Our motto: If you like it – wear it!

      Reply

    Really enjoyed reading your blog.
    I wear panties and camisoles daily, and sometimes matching bralette.
    Panties provide superior comfort, male underwear does not .

    Good to see other people embrace the same thinking.

    Reply

    I am the girlfriend of a cross dresser. I initially met him openly knowing he wore lingerie. We have been together for just over a year. I have fostered his femininity and love this lifestyle he and I have. It is based on such honesty that at my age of 48 has been the best relationship I have ever encountered. He now has someone to share it with and not hide who he is. He trusts me because I am the keeper of a secret that has been hidden from the world since he was a young boy. It has been so fulfilling to give him this gift of acceptance. I’ve never met a more beautiful soul in or out of sexy lingerie 🙂

    Reply

Leave a comment

Hey, so you decided to leave a comment! That's great. Just fill in the required fields and hit submit. Note that your comment will need to be reviewed before its published.